Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
