**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
