i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
