if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
