her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
