Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just pee around me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
