are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
