you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
