if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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