One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
