watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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