i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize