don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
