I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
