Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
