Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
