Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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