too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
