you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
