You made me cry and you don't even care
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
