After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
