it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
