why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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