saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
