Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
