i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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