the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
