I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
