i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
