I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
