my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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