at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
