She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
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