tell your sister to shave her snatch
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
