Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
