i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
