If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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