Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
