hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
