That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
