i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
