Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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