I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize