just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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