I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
