sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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