Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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