nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize