i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
