Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
