I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
