I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
