so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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