Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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