OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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