***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
