I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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