We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
