god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
