At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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