How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
