I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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