I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what day is it and did you see me today?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
