I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
