I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
